Today I made another stab at getting a job. I made 2 calls and left messages. I filed 2 online applications. Then I reached my freak out point. I never went to the 3 places I wanted to visit in the afternoon.
I was thinking that this would never work; that I'd end up with a full time job that would over tax my energy reserves and end up in the hospital again, or worse, at the bottom of a ravine. I napped.
When I awoke, I realized that 1) I was going to have to have something written to hand people about my skills and history, 2) I was going to have to insist on only part time and 3) this was going to take a lot longer than I thought.
I did a "career evaluation" to help me find what I am best at. Nothing useful, it seems. I used to be in sales, but I'm not energetic enough for that. Or motivated. Or organized. I've done management, writing, admin, but all 25 yrs ago. I have no references and a 30 year old Associates degree.
I really stressed out and considered suicide again to reduce the strain on the household. After napping and reading, I got hold of myself and set some rules: no job shopping til I create that written document; only part time; evening if I can; no 7am jobs; talk to my son and daughter in law when I feel that bad.
There is also a Prosumers (consumers of mental health nonprofit) in my town. I looked them up and they now have Peer Crisis Navigators. I emailed and asked for one. We'll see how it goes.
Don't give up just because you're suicidal. If you have loved ones, talk to them. If not, call a crisis center or go to and ER. I also watch funny shows or movies, read funny stuff on the internet, crochet, read, listen to music, nap, etc. I LOVE Jenga, but there is no flat open surface to play on. I'll have to work on that. By the way, the generic Jenga is terrible. The blocks are poorly made.
More later on my life, loves and job search. Keep hanging in.
Hi Lori, I live in the neighborhood. Found you on Angie's List "Band of Neighbors." Thought I'd reach out to you. I'm also a complex PTSD survivor. Have come a long way myself. I've often thought it strange that there are no civilian PTSD support groups in this big city. There have been more than a few times when I have longed for a larger support group. Not just survivors, but thrivers. Wouldn't that be awesome? Life AFTER PTSD? I'm in the process, I know it takes a long time and each person has their own journey. If you feel like getting in touch feel free to contact me at azmermann@facebook.com. I wish you many blessings of love, peace, and healing. Namaste' - Alice
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