One of the several parts of Dialectic Behavioral Theory is the concept of mindfulness. Although, personally, I think this is the most useless of all the parts, it has been, for me, the easiest.
The idea of mindfulness is very similar to a survival trait used by trauma survivors of focusing on one item or a series of items that have nothing to do with the trauma you're experiencing as a way of focusing on something other than the trauma you're experiencing.
In other ways, it is like meditation; focusing on one thing and letting it into your consciousness and body to produce a fulfilling and profound sense of peace inside you and closing yourself off from what is around you (my definition).
In another way, it is like Paul Simon's song "I am a Rock." This is also referred to as building a wall around yourself, or putting on a mask, or living in a bubble, even if only for a brief moment.
I learned through 3 years of Adult Children of Alcoholics to be my real self; to lower the wall; to burst the bubble and let people like me or not like me as I really am. I swore I would never go back in the bubble. That is why this is the one part I think the most useless.
It is also the one part that is the most accessible, and, if done right, doesn't let me fall into any of the early dsyfunctions I taught myself in order to survive.
Here's how it goes: REALLY notice what you are doing/feeling right this very second.
Sounds easy, but it isn't. The example I was trained with was eating an orange. Don't just shove it down and get on with life. Notice the smell, the texture, the feeling of peeling, the color, the juice, the feeling of the juice on the skin and under the nails, the way it runs on the table or catches on a towel. Keep this up until you have finished the orange and cleaned up. Now, look around you. Where were you for the last several minutes? Worrying about what others thought of you; worrying at all? Or engrossed in the orange?
That's one example. Others are: notice all the orange things around you; pay attention to your breathing; unclench and notice your jaw or back muscles or whatever is clenched; notice all the circles; notice a picture or painting; notice background noises. These are just a few of the things that are mindfulness exercises. The idea, as I understand it, is to be aware of the goodnesses in the present moment.
Right now I am typing in my patio room. I notice the white wood walls; the framing of the windows, the orange lettering on the empty baked bean can I could be worrying about recycling, but am not doing so. There is much around me to worry about, but I'm not doing that. I'm noticing. I'm being here. I feel the keyboard and know that it is a gift from the universe. I feel bloated from the second glass of milk I'm having and know that's a goodness many will not know tonight. I see my glasses, my phone, my meds and know these are not worries. These are gifts. I don't always appreciate my gifts, but mindfulness, the exercise of mindfulness, renews my appreciation for what is and calms my worries of what is not.
Today, I have a home. Unpaid bills; a crying grandchild; nonworking children; messes I can't keep up with; broken things that need fixing; dogs that don't get enough attention now; a job I have to work in 15 hours. But enough of that. Today, I have a home. I have a patio. I have white wood walls. I have window frames. I have orange letters and glasses and a phone and a keyboard and milk. I have goodness in my life. Worries, messes, duties, fears; but also goodness. This is mindfulness. This is peace. Peace with today. Peace with this moment. Peace within myself. Sometimes a rare quality. Sometimes amazingly available if I just let myself notice.
Try it. Google it or see your/a therapist for more information. Open yourself to the peace and goodness that is available in this moment.
Keep holding on. Love, Lori B.
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