DBT: accepting uncomfortable feelings

One of the skills taught as part of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is learning to accept uncomfortable feelings.

The hardest, and first, part of this for me was learning to recognize and name my feelings. I had to learn what a feeling is and what it is not. What I first was told was that there are six basic feelings: happy, sad, mad, hurt, fear and shame/guilt. I used to have to actually stop and take up to 30 minutes running through the names of the feelings until I could identify what I felt, then name it and then put an intensity to it (1=low and 10=high) and then find a name for that feeling at that intensity.

It got to the point where I tried to write names for each of the ten intensities for each of the six emotions. One, I never finished it, and Two, my lists never matched what my therapist thought the intensities were. I'd think one emotion name meant a 9, and my therapist would tell me most people consider that name meant, like, a 3 or something. I took that to mean that I really didn't understand either my emotions or other people's emotions.

I worked on this and improved immensely and quickly. Not.

I still have trouble recognizing my feelings. I used to be better, but the divorce really messed me up. I don't even know when I have emotions. I can't predict what my emotions will be as a result of what my plans are; and I have some incredible plans right now.

I plan to get a recumbent trike, fix the house, sell it, see Dan and Jen move, store my stuff, get a new car and travel with the trike around the country in the car. How will I like it? Will it be enjoyable? Will I feel separated from life or connected to everyone?

But that's not the issue. The issue is learning to accept uncom-fortable feelings. Not to reject them; not to deny them; not to avoid them; not to anesthetize them; not to fear them; etc.; but to feel them. 

I'm having trouble writing this. More later. Keep holding on. Love, Lori B.